NAME YOUR GREMLIN: Jekyll and Hyde

Jekyll and Hyde Gremlin

One way you can get out of your way is to name your gremlin. A gremlin in this sense is a self-defeating behavior that reappears in life, work, and relationships that prevents you from achieving a new level of success. Like in the movie by the same name, gremlins usually are latent and easy to live with until they are activated by external or internal factors, either past, present, or perceived future. Naming them can help you to be aware of your self-defeating behavior so you may make intentional decisions that are edifying and rewarding to all involved. The introductory article to this series is at Get Out of Your Own Way.

I am sure you have worked with or for a person with a Jekyll and Hyde gremlin. As long as you are dealing with Jekyll everything is okay, but that’s the problem. The occasional and unexpected appearance of …Hyde! It’s like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get. Quite a few years ago I worked for a small company as a production manager. The owner/boss was a good man to work for…most days, but then there were the times when he suddenly changed. His explosive behavior was usually over something relatively small but the damage he caused was enormous. A day or two after the event, he would often apologize. If he happened to fire someone while Hyde was in control, he might try to rehire them. This is the classic profile of a spouse or child abuser whose reaction to something fails to qualify as a proportional response and they are sorry afterwards.

The perspective of this article is less how to work with a person with this, or these gremlins, and more about helping yourself if you discover Jekyll and Hyde in yourself. Here are some quick tips:

• You will know you have a Jekyll and Hyde gremlin when others tell you that you are your worst enemy, you are difficult to work with, or that people never know “who” to expect when they see you.
• Hire an executive coach. There are three reasons you need a professional coach:

1. You need a coach to increase your awareness of signals of which to be aware so you may control Hyde.
2. When Hyde appears, you will hurt people and your relationship with them. You need a coach to advise you on how to fix relationships.
3. Learn what triggers the emotional reaction that stimulates the appearance of Hyde. I can’t help but feel we are talking about the Incredible Hulk.

• Practice presence. You will find that Hyde’s appearance is usually preceded by distractions, concerns, and a lack of focus. One way to minimize Hyde is to be in the room when others are talking. Presence means that you are not emailing or texting when you should be paying attention.
• Keep a journal where you record when Hyde appeared. The problem is that Jekyll may have difficulty remembering what Hyde said or did.
• Don’t use Hyde as an excuse for bad behavior.

An executive coach is a valuable asset to help you minimize damage to relationships and is well worth the investment.

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Questions:

1. How have you recognized Hyde in your life in the past?
2. Have you found that you sabotage yourself repeatedly?
3. How might a professional coach help you recognize and get rid of Hyde?

SD Blessings,

Dr. Tom Cocklereece, The Disciplist

This article is a revision of a previous post on my coaching blog site RENOVA Coaching

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Dr. Tom Cocklereece is CEO of RENOVA Coaching and Consulting, LLC. He is a pastor, author, professional coach, leadership specialist, and is a member Coach/Teacher/Speaker for the John Maxwell Team

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NAME YOUR GREMLIN: Scaredy Gremlin

Scaredy Gremlin

One way you can get out of your way is to name your gremlin. A gremlin in this sense is a self-defeating behavior that reappears in life, work, and relationships that prevents you from achieving a new level of success. Like in the movie by the same name, gremlins usually are latent and easy to live with until they are activated by external or internal factors, either past, present, or perceived future. Naming them can help you to be aware of your self-defeating behavior so you may make intentional decisions that are edifying and rewarding to all involved. The introductory article to this series is at Get Out of Your Own Way.

Another devastating gremlin that prevents people from reaching their full potential is Scaredy. Have you ever met someone who has a reputation for quitting or they seldom finish a commitment. Most of the time, they never even get started because they contemplate the fear of failure so much that they fall into the habit of avoiding commitment. A sign of Scaredy Gremlin is persistent procrastination which is no more than claiming a value without acting on it. The individual has said yes but their actions say no. This dichotomy is reflected in the intense conflict the individual feels leading up to making the commitment. One might see this gremlin as the “Runaway Bride syndrome.” He feeds on fear and anxiety and the higher level of these makes him happy.

The remedy for Scaredy Gremlin is to make commitments…and keep them—doing the opposite of that which one’s emotions would lead in this case. As with people who do not suffer from the inability to commit, it is not a blind commitment to anything and everything. Instead, the individual should follow the following course:

1. Admit that you struggle with commitment or the lack thereof.
2. Partner with a trusted accountability partner who will walk with you through your journey to overcome this gremlin.
3. Make some intentional small commitments one at a time. These might relate to things to which the individual has a strong feeling. Maybe it would be doing one-day volunteer work for a not for profit organization. Another possibility is to join a small hobby or study group knowing that an eventual speaking presentation may be expected. These experiences should be increasingly difficult and be of mutual benefit.
4. Rely on the accountability partner whenScaredy Gremlin begins to present himself. Be prepared for the internal suggestions:
   • You don’t feel well.
   • You aren’t really helping anybody.
   • You’re never going to overcome this problem.
   • You can’t finish anything.

…and so on. The accountability partner should offer encouragement and dialogue to counter such expected internal conflict

Finish strong! Celebrate when you complete the commitment. Remember that there are some commitments that have no end, but should be celebrated on anniversaries and at major achievements.

Remember that the best weapon against the various gremlins is to name them and counter them usually with the opposite action to which they push.

QUESTIONS:

1. What would be the opposite action you might take to counteract your gremlin?
2. Have you established a circle of accountability friends to help you overcome your gremlin?
3. How may you help someone else overcome their gremlins?

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Dr. Tom Cocklereece is CEO of RENOVA Coaching and Consulting, LLC
He is a pastor, author, professional coach, leadership specialist, and is a member Coach/Teacher/Speaker for the John Maxwell Team

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Simple Christianity

 

New SD Logo

I have spent 2½ years praying, developing, studying, applying, and writing Simple Discipleship because I was long convinced that churches do not major on nor do they have a process to make disciples. Many churches make disciples by happenstance instead of on purpose through a process. I just read the report on spiritual growth commissioned by the Willow Creek Community Church titled Reveal: Where Are You? I am glad I wrote most of Simple Discipleship: A Process for Making Disciples before I read the report, as I came to similar conclusions myself, and without the expense to which they went. However, my approach to a solution to the need for making disciples is different from theirs, and simpler. There is a reason for “simple.”

 Christianity is bleeding followers instead of making disciples, as many are initially attracted to Christ, but are soon disillusioned by the complexity of the Christian faith as reflected in many churches. People are attracted to simplicity, and that may be why so many are interested in eastern religions. They offer simplicity, but no salvation or forgiveness and are intolerant of exclusivity of salvation only through Jesus Christ.

 I arrived at several conclusions that led me to develop Simple Discipleship:

1. Churches are not effective at making disciples.
   
2. The many programs and activities provided by churches do not translate into spiritual growth of people.
   
3. Independent programs and events do not function as a process for disciple-making.
   
4. Discipled Christians are better evangelists.
   
5. Spiritual growth and life-coaching is the greatest innovation that addresses problems 1-4.
   

There is one more problem: Churches are resistant to changing how they have always done things, even if what they are doing is not working. They now have three options:

1. Do church discipleship the way they always have done it.
   
2. Try more programs that make people less motivated for the next program that comes along.
   
3. Implement Simple Discipleship.
   

Jesus did not intend for disciple-making to be complex any more than he wants us to make church and ministry complex. We need simplicity. Simple Discipleship provides simple church characteristics of clarity, movement, alignment, and focus. SD has additional designed characteristics of scalability, multi-use, measurability, and balance. There are others, but these are primary. Unique features include four levels of spiritual life coaching: Simple Evangelism, New Life Christian Coaching, Christian Life Coaching, and Leadership Development Coaching. These provide for a coaching matrix and a bridge to other spiritual growth opportunities in the church.

 

I look forward to working with associations and churches to implement Simple Discipleship.

SD Blessings!

Dr. Tom Cocklereece